I was singing along to Cher on the radio in the car with Emma. She’s like, “what music is this?” I said “It’s Cher. The gay queen’s idol” “Cher, you know?” And she’s like, “no, I don’t”.
So I told her about the show I used to watch called Sonny and Cher. Cher had long beautiful, black hair. The longest I’d ever seen. I used to take my nightgown off in the morning when I got dressed and pulled it over my head. But I left it there with the neck hole just over my ears like a head band. I would have the rest of the nightgown flowing behind me and I would walk around and pretend it was my ‘Cher hair’. I think I did this until I was about 7. I didn’t have long hair. I had shortish hair. My mom had me get the Dorothy Hamil haircut when I was 5. Yes, I looked precious, but geez, talk about the opposite of what a girly girl wants. No long hair for me.
I said to Emma that when I was about 5, there was the Sears catalog. It was huge, at least 2 inches thick. When I would sit on the couch and watch, you guessed it, Little House on the Prairie, I would have the Sears catalog open to the Barbie page. Next to all the Malibu Barbies, and Superstar Barbies, maybe even Charlie’s Angels Barbies, there was a Cher Barbie. I stared at that Cher Barbie for hours. I dreamed of what it would be like to comb its hair, to have it flick over her shoulder. Hoped Santa would bring it to me. I never got the Cher Barbie. Maybe it’s for the best. I did cut one of my doll’s hair once. I thought it would grow back. The Cher Barbie was too pretty to cut. Maybe there’s a Cher Barbie out there on Ebay for me.
I still put my shirt on my head sometimes and start singing, “If I Could Turn Back Time”.
And then my kids tell me to quit it.