Archive | October 2011

Am I in Suburgatory?

Well, let’s see I wear Pajama Jeans and drive a minivan, so maybe that answers that.

Have you seen that new show on ABC called Suburgatory? It’s right between The Middle and Modern Family so I HAD to watch. (By the way, if you aren’t watching either of THOSE shows, then I don’t know what is wrong with you you should really check them out.)  It looked like a very witty comedy about a teenage girl and her dad that move to the suburbs after living in Manhattan. The girl is adorable played by Jane Levy, who I think has a promising career. Her skin is like peaches and cream. Oh I would die for that complexion… oh where was I? Okay, the dad is played by Jeremy Sisto, a ruggedly handsome man who seems to be a really cool, laid back guy for a single dad of a teenage girl.

Last week, I was a little pissed after watching the first episode. It took the stereotypes of the suburbs and EXAGGERATED them immensely. Apparently, all moms in the suburbs are ditzy, clueless, have boob jobs, wear velour sweat suits, and drive pimped out SUVs.  They spend all their time at the malls and suck down blended coffee drinks. Gosh, this is sounding frighteningly familiar. I suppose I resented the representation of us suburban mom’s as selfish, narcissistic women who shop all day, are clueless about how to raise their children, and seemed to objectify themselves and their daughters to any warm-blooded male acted like sluts.  I also didn’t like the connotation that ‘lesbian’ was used as a bad word to describe a girl who wears comfortable shoes. But after watching it again this week, they toned down their representation of us yoga-pant wearing moms and seemed to focus on the teen angst of the daughter whilst still including clever banter between her and her father and her peers. I’ll continue to watch and see where they go with this. Also, it stars alums from Saturday Night Live, Weeds and Curb Your Enthusiasm. It has great potential. I suppose I can laugh at the stereotypes, I mean, my life IS a cliche of sorts.

PARENTING QUESTIONS I FIND UNNECESSARY

A question I read in a mom’s article, “At what age should you let your daughter wear thong underwear?”  Seriously people?? Why does this irk me? Thong underwear is meant to be a little bit of fabric between you and your pants that doesn’t make VPL (visible panty lines). Is your daughter ultra self-conscious about her panty lines, does she want to look cool in front of her friends when she changes in the locker room, or does she want to be like mommy? Why is this even a question? If your daughter wants to wear a thong–let her. She will realize that it is an over-sized piece of dental floss parked between her butt cheeks. Some women find them comfortable. I do not. It’s like asking when should I let my daughter shave her legs. When she is comfortable with slicing her flesh inadvertently and letting the soapy water make it sting like a mother f–er, that’s when. Hey, if she wants to, go for it. I bet soon after she does, it will get old and tiresome. Like feeding the new kitten. You want to at first, then you just feel like it’s something you HAVE to do. Same with wearing a thong. If she wants to, fine. And then she’ll realize that it really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. (sorry, no pun intended.)

DIAPER COMMERCIALS THAT CREEP ME OUT

I saw a Luvs diaper commercial that really disturbed me. It was a cartoon format where the babies are having a contest doing whatever in their diapers that blows them up but in pageant style. The slogan was, ‘what happens in a diaper, should stay in a diaper’. This while the background song, “Woop, there it is”, plays, but instead it’s called “poop, there it is”. Also, the babies are all dressed like rappers and hip hop stars. Maybe what bugs me about this commercial is that I didn’t think of it myself. It’s really genius. On the same hand, it’s moronic. But do we need rocket science to sell diapers? No. Not really. I guarantee that parents are going to remember it. I suppose that’s the point of advertising. Maybe they’ll make a thong diaper next.

Here’s the URL link to the Youtube page where I found it.

Would you rather leave the house without makeup or eat broken glass?

You’re thinking, duh, eat broken glass right? That’s what these women on Dr. Oz’s show were acting like! He did a segment on aging and your skin. He asked all the women in his audience to remove their make up. HE also did the show without his make up.  I know, ha ha, he’s a guy, why is he wearing makeup? Everyone on TV wears makeup!! He even had his expert panelists and doctors appear without makeup.

These women in the audience were crying because they were on TV without makeup. Some said their husbands haven’t seen them without makeup, that their kids haven’t seen them without makeup, that they sleep in their make up. For reals? I’m sorry if anyone else out there lives like this. I hope I don’t hurt your feelings. But honestly, I don’t have the energy to wear makeup ALL the time. I LOVE makeup. It’s all over the house. I have it in my purse, my bathroom, my hall closet, Emma’s bathroom… it’s ridiculous. But anyone that knows me has seen me without makeup. Right? I go to the gym without makeup, to the bus stop, to the grocery store, my kids’ schools. I don’t go to date night, or a party without makeup. That would be crazy! But if everyone at the party was not wearing makeup, maybe I wouldn’t care next time. (Especially if there were plenty of couches.) So that’s what I was

Look! It's me without makeup! Hoping you'll pay attention to the dog instead. She's really cute and doesn't need makeup.

thinking when I was watching these women on Dr. Oz– who cares if you’re not wearing makeup if no one else is either! Would I be in my underwear if everyone else was? Sure!! (I’m not really sure about that…) I know what you’re saying- okay, Rebecca, would you want your chance to be in a live studio audience on national TV and not wear makeup??  And my answer is No. BUT, that’s because I want to feel special, not because I’m hiding behind something. That’s what make up is about. Like an accessory. I don’t sleep in my tiara. I bring it out for certain occasions. Like PTA meetings.

My point of all this relates a little to my Beef fat Botox post. I want to scream from the rooftops- CHILL OUT!! We are just fine as ourselves. We need to liberate the fresh-faced little girl in all of us. Even if we aren’t little girls anymore. And Dr. Oz’s point was that if we are always covering up our skin, how do we know what it needs. So take the skin quiz on his website-

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/realage-skin-test

See how your skin rates. If you need help shopping for products, you know where to find me.

Maybe some of you reading this don’t wear makeup, maybe you aren’t comfortable in it. Maybe you could care less. Then I applaud the liberated fresh-faced girl that you are!

P.S.

Owen said the sweetest thing to me one day. “Mom, when you are in your pajamas and have no make up on, you look younger and thinner.”

Be still my heart.

Why can’t parties have more couches?

Me smiling at the cocktail party, in my head I'm screaming, "take the F--ing picture, I need to sit down!"

I have recently been to two parties, (some of you were at those parties)  two Saturdays in a row. I know. That’s a lot for a PTA mom from the ‘burbs. I’m super fun, what can I say? At both parties I ended up removing my shoes at some point in the night.

If you’ve seen Vlogger (that’s video blogger), Jenna Marbles on YouTube, she makes a video about how bad white girls are in the club. I personally think all girls- white, hispanic, black, asian are bad in clubs once you put a group of them together. But she goes on to describe, and I won’t include the link, because she uses the F word too many times and that would offend some of you, but she describes how white girls get so drunk they take off their shoes. They need to commit to their shoes until they get home. NOT take them off at the club because they are so drunk. Not ’til drunk do we part’, but ’til home do we part’, as she puts it.

Here’s the thing- yes, I took off my shoes. NO, I wasn’t drunk. My shoes were frickin’ KILLING my feet people!! Yes, I’m a slave to fashion. BUT HELL NO, I’m not wearing Birkenstocks to a cocktail party.  These were Cole Haan Nike Airs for crying out loud!! They are supposed to be comfortable. I’m supposed to be able to like, run a 50 yard dash in them. Yes, they are 4 inches high, but STILL, they have Nike Air technology!! Apparently, my feet don’t know this. I have neuromas, (horribly painful nerve tumors between the bones in my feet) and plantar fasciitis (short muscles in my arches) so any shoes I wear without my clunky, old lady, orthotics that I’ve had since I was 23, will make my feet hurt.

James always hates when I complain in my shoes. But standing hours and hours in heels is painful. Men don’t know this. Standing still for anyone is uncomfortable, but is it painful for everyone? I don’t think so. It’s just not fair that we are supposed to look hot, show off our legs, wear cute clothes and endure this pain.

So ladies- we must band together on this:

Here’s my suggestion- it would be nice if parties had more couches. I will continue to wear heels to events. They look better. Period. BUT, if I had the opportunity to sit down at these parties, I would be fine. Let’s not keep standing in the kitchen- let’s go to the living room. If it’s a cocktail party, don’t just make us stand-   be sure to supply plenty of seating. Even if it’s a lawn chair for crying out loud! Let us sit!  I did end up sitting at one of the little cocktail tables with a stool and so did a bunch of other ladies once I did. SEE?? We were thinking the same thing!! I didn’t mean for this to turn into a rant, I just think sitting would be nice.

Now if there’s dancing, that’s a WHOLE different story….

My shoes at the first party that I didn't commit to.

What Pink Means to Me

And no, I’m not talking about the singer. Although, she is pretty darn cool.

I’m talking about Breast Cancer Awareness month. October 1st marks the beginning of a month of pink and awareness, campaigns and fundraising. I will be participating as much as possible. Although, I try to navigate the pink products with a keen eye and shrewd pocketbook. (l love throwing that word in when I can, makes me feel like I’m in the 50s.)

Here’s the thing, A lot of companies are trying to cash in on the pink. Just by coloring things pink, saying a portion of the proceeds goes to BCA, they feel they’re doing their part. And maybe so. But I will NOT be buying a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken that’s pink! They did this last year. What a joke. KFC pumps their chickens with so much crap, no one should eat it, especially if you’re trying to make any difference in the fight against cancer.

The Yoplait pink lids campaign kind of pisses me off too. 1) their yogurts contain aspartame, high fructose corn syrup and who knows what their milk contains since it’s not organic. 2) any company that makes me do the work for getting the proceeds is irritating. I’ve already bought the product for gosh sakes, now you’re making me lick lids, send them in an envelope with a stamp (who ever has a stamp when they need one?) and hope the pennies add up. No thank you. Proceeds should go towards the campaign just by buying it.

Companies I do support for the Cure- Avon, Estee Lauder, Ford, The Breast Cancer site, Ann Taylor Loft, New Balance, Susan G Komen.

The best thing would be to write a check directly to research. I did the Susan G Komen 3 Day a few years back. They raise millions of dollars with each walk. I couldn’t be more proud to say I’ve participated.

Every cancer deserves awareness and fundraising. Sadly, pediatric brain cancer (Kyle) and leukemia (Siona) have claimed lives precious to me and friends of mine. My dad is a colon cancer survivor, and my mom is in ongoing treatment for uterine cancer. Skin cancer is frighteningly common. And yes of course, breast cancer has hit close to home. My aunt Gudrun is a survivor and I have lost two girlfriends, Julie and Jessica, to this bitch of a disease. Both of them were in their 30s when diagnosed. My friend Shannon is a survivor also, and she was in her 30s during her treatment. So, get your mammograms ladies!! It’s not that bad. In fact I’ll take, 3 mammograms to every trip to the gyno. Ick. I will mention other friends of mine who have lost their moms to the disease; Jennifer, Megan…I know you miss them everyday.

If I could put a big metal chicken on breast cancer’s doorstep and tell it, “knock, knock, mother fucker”, I would.

I hope one day pink will be just a color and not a cause.

The shirt says it all.

The kids cheering me and Shannon for the 3 Day back in 2008