Archive | December 12, 2011

Things you’ll do because you are parents

I’m using someone else’ s blog as a springboard per se, for this blog post. He had a list of things you would never do since you became parents. Then he made a list of things you NEVER thought you would do but have done and don’t think twice about,  since becoming parents.

Here are my additions to that list:

1. catch puke in your hands. (not your puke)

2. catch puke in your hands while riding in the car. (again, not your puke)

3. put boogers in your pockets, not your boogers, your kids’ that they’ve handed to you.

4. use spit as a universal cleaner.

5. lick your fingers and use them to wipe on your kids face to get off whatever it is- boogers, chocolate, ketchup…

6. go to the bathroom while breast feeding a baby.

7. go to the bathroom while breast feeding a baby and talking on the phone

8. not be phased that there’s children’s underwear, chewed gum, Legos or My Little Pony figures or countless other pieces of random crap in your pockets or purse.

9. lie (what do you mean by this you ask? Answer- Tooth Fairy, Santa, Easter Bunny…need I say more?).

10. tell your son that the funny q-tips in the blue box under the bathroom sink are only for mommies. Touch them and your ears will fall off.

11. Lie again. i.e.- ‘sorry, we are all out of batteries in every shape and kind that would provide power to that remote control car with sound effects and horns’.

12. Assemble a 1200 piece Playmobil pirate ship in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve, for four hours while drinking a bottle of single malt scotch.

13. Take a catnap while stopped at a traffic light (see number 12).

14. Disguise pureed spinach in cookies you bake.

15. Go out on a date night and be home in bed by 10:30.

16. Cry at every Pampers commercial.

17. Cringe at every Cialis commercial you watch with your son during Monday Night Football.

18. Pretend the sounds coming from your bedroom at night that your son walks in on and hears from his room, is just the neighbors dog having a tummy ache.

19. Steal KitKats and Twix from your kids’ Halloween baskets and hide it in the pantry behind the bag of Kale Chips.

20. Leave the house without brushing your teeth, combing your hair, or changing your underwear and not really care because sometimes getting out alive is all that matters.