Archive | December 17, 2011

Apparently Stephen King has a whole collection of Christmas decorations.

Maybe Mr. King doesn’t actually know this or receive royalties from them. But I think they’ve been inspired by him. He’s so creepy looking. Do you think that’s why he’s a horror writer? Or does he look creepy because he’s a horror writer? That sounds like the same question, but it’s totally the opposite.


Damien the Christmas Monkey is working. Owen will say, “I’m so glad Damien isn’t in this room.” Me, (rubs hands together) “yes, my son, be good now.”

HOWEVER, Damien is looking almost pleasant compared to these other characters I found.

I had no idea that there are more to this collection. AND, people pay lots of money for them. No offense Jill.  Or your mom. Or anyone else out there, probably on the East coast paying good money for these demented looking Christmas creatures.

So cue Lion King music and welcome to the family:

Stephen, the Institutionalized Elf; and Jason, the Valentine Monkey (with a comb-over).

Once again, my plan worked. What plan is that? To scare the crap out of my kids. I put Stephen on the piano downstairs. He was positioned just in view when you go in the living room. I hear Emma get up this morning and look at the Christmas tree and shriek, “What is that??!!”

Then she says, “Why does THIS monkey have HAIR? Mom, make it stop, you’ve gone too far!”

If you noticed, I named Stephen after Stephen King. I think he resembles him very much.

Emma named the Valentine monkey Jason. I think that’s because that’s the only name of a horror movie character she knows. I would’ve named it Donald because of the hair, but Jason is good.

These dolls are a little like clowns and ventriloquist dummies, oh, and Marie Osmond dolls. Some people think they’re cute, but most of us just know they are demented little things made to give us bad dreams.

Stephen the Institutionalized Elf. They only let him out the month of December.

Jason, the jilted Valentine monkey with a comb-over.

The real Stephen King. He really has a face for writing.