Green Giant’s butt

I have no real theme for this post. It’s pretty random. But it gets things off my chest. If all those things on my chest only helped my bra size, that would be really interesting.

Anyway…

something the Pre-teen said last night when I gave her homeopathic cold medicine. I know, some of you are like, ‘homeopathic’, is that a shot of whisky? And my answer is no, I tried that and she threatened to call CPS on me. There’s this product from Whole Foods called Kick Ass Sinus which I firmly believe in. It really shortens the duration of the cold. I sound like a commercial. Let’s say, it has an herbal flavor to it.

Upon drinking the two dropper fulls I put on Emma’s tongue, she swallows, scrunches up her face, shudders, quickly grabs the water chaser glass and says between gulps, “that tasted like butt”.

So I said, “Isn’t it kind of plant-y tasting though too?”

She says, “Yeah, it’s like vegetable butt. If I had to smell the Green Giant’s butt, that’s what it would smell like.”

She’s 11. Call Jon Stewart- this girl is working at the Daily Show! Okay, I want to work at the Daily Show. Only because I have a talent crush on Jon Stewart. I would so bring him coffee if he wanted me to.

While I’m getting things off my chest:

I hate Words With Friends

It’s stupid. There is something rigged on that game for sure. I always lose. I never get full credit for the great words I come up with. I’m always about 100 points behind my ‘friend’ I’m playing. I’m starting to call it Words with People that are Smarter than Me.

For example-

the other day I played the word ‘dildo’. You would think that is a high score word. Like 30 points. Wrong. 8 points. 8 whole fucking points.

Then I played, ‘diaper’. I even had tiles on the Triple Word, Double Letter whatever tiles. Diaper equaled 9 points.

Then my ‘friend’ or person smarter than me plays, ‘sit’ and gets like 40 points. WTF? Seriously. It’s out to get me.

I told you it was random. What do you expect for Monday?

3 thoughts on “Green Giant’s butt

  1. 1) Simultaneously, there is something both entertaining and slighty disturbing about an eleven-year-old who cna conjure up the Jolly Green Giant’s dump zone.

    2) This CPS thing is out of control. If I had threatened my father with that, he would have had me living under a freeway overpass within the hour.

    • I know, I know. It was a shot of Jaeger I gave her a year ago for a stomach ache. She nearly died and cursed me that it was the worst thing ever. (She’s somewhat dramatic) I told her that my great aunt gave it to me for my tummy aches and I always felt better. Oh well.
      She’s always been precocious with her vocabulary. This is another good example. Thanks for reading!

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