Kids these days need to just deal.

Take your lumps. Suck it up. You know. Kids these days are coddled. What, with their Starbucks and iPads. Often I play good cop/bad cop by myself not just with James. And yes, I’m talking about parenting, not our bedroom secrets.

My parents raised me with respecting me as a person. Not the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ method. They respected us as individuals, people with independent thoughts and needs. There was little tolerance for any misbehaving. We were given expectations and we met them. But we were also nurtured and loved openly with affection, affirmation and freedom.

With that said, I try to incorporate that into the upbringing of my children.

But gosh darn, this day and age is making it really difficult. I’ve been clear before in posts that I don’t sugar coat my parenting much. Yes, my children have it good. They know this too. Which is what I think, eliminates them from being spoiled. I think ‘spoiled’ is when kids have it good, don’t appreciate they have it so good and are rude and disrespectful to those around them, misbehave and act entitled. This does not describe my children (most of the time). BUT every now and then, Ugly Mommy comes out. I will lose my temper, raise my voice and scream something like, “Get your little self up to bed before you really regret it!” or “Don’t make me take away your cell phone!”. “If you use that tone of voice with me, you will be sorry you were born!” Which is really a stupid thing to say since I brought them in to this world. I don’t think children need to be beholden to their parents for giving them life. They didn’t ask for it. You choose them (sort of), they don’t get to choose you.

Also, I am not afraid of saying no. There are a lot of books on this, articles on this and I can give you the 101 in two words. Say no.

Saying NO makes the YES that much sweeter. I say no when I think there’s any chance my child might get kidnapped or hit by a car. I say no when it doesn’t work out with the family’s plan, makes (too much) extra work for me, interferes with school, or is expensive.

Mom, can I go to the ice rink at 10 on a Friday night. No.

Mom, can I walk to Blockbuster with so-and-so. No.

Mom, can I go with so-and-so and her mom to the mall and help her pick out a new outfit. Yes.

Oh thank you, you’re the best.

Mom, I don’t like this zucchini, can I have carrots instead- YES. (I hate zucchini too)

Pick your battles.

So your daughter wants to wear a shirt that says, “I’m too pretty for homework”. Uhm, this is a NO. It falls in the ‘interferes with school’ category.   She wants to color her hair with a streak of hot pink on the side. Sure. This isn’t permanent (tatt00 or piercing permanent), doesn’t cause harm, and isn’t that expensive. Pick your battles.

Wasn’t that easy?

Principles of lumping it:

If you are at Starbucks and the pastries in the case are not what you are looking forward to, i.e. lemon pound cake- you will not cry or whine. You choose something else, or do without.

If the XBOX game you got for Christmas is too hard to do without dad’s help- you will not whine and throw the controller into the couch. You will take a breath, take a break, and wait for daddy to come home from work to play it with you.

If your cell phone runs out of charge because you left it by your bedside to text your friends late at night, it is not your mom’s fault.

If the show you DVR’d on Nickelodeon or Discovery didn’t get recorded because of mommy’s recording of Whitney- we do not throw a fit.

It’s clear to everyone in this household that really, I am the only one who can throw fits. Usually about two days out of the month I go all ‘honey badger’ on the family. It’s not too bad really. It keeps them on their toes.  I don’t like to yell. It tires me out and makes me feel awful. Especially when Owen gets tears in his eyes and looks at me like I kicked a puppy. He’s very sensitive and always tells me, ‘mom you don’t have to scream at me, just ask nicely’.

I hate it when they’re right.

7 thoughts on “Kids these days need to just deal.

  1. Awww, I love this post. I hate it when they are right too, because it means I have done something really REALLY bad 😦 It’s good to get a bit of a rev up sometimes and for them to see you as a person and not just Mum.

  2. What a great post! And your going all “honey badger” comment had me snorting out loud. Parenting is tough (not to state the obvious) but I like your style and have a very similar approach.

  3. Oh wow! This is great! You think very much like I do when it comes to parenting. I also do my best to treat my children as respectable individuals, and not like my little elves with which I can yell at at will and whose minds I can conquer and control. That being said, I treat them well, but there are rules,and breaking those rules doesn’t work out well for them. It just sounds like you put a lot of thought and effort into being a well balanced and respectful parent. Way to go.

  4. I totally agree, but I want to add one more thing. You don’t have to have it good to be spoiled. Some of the most spoiled, entitled kids I know have less than nothing. By less than nothing, I mean they don’t have any of the THINGS our children have, but they also have NO roll models, NO discipline, NO boundaries. To me that’s less than nothing. They either ignore the children or try so hard to be their friends that they are not being parents.

    Guinevere is my best friend. I love that, our friendship means the world to me. She and I have been having intellectual conversations since she could talk. BUT, I am also her mom. she knows that if there is ever a conflict between me being her mom and me being her friend, mom wins out EVERY time, not most of the time, EVERY time. We respect each other, just the way you said you were raised. If my adult friend was a little naive (as ALL children are) and she wanted to go somewhere iffy by herself, I would try to talk her out of it. My daughter knows I am all about her best interests. The difference is that I don’t try to talk her out of it, I just say “no.” I have never had to ground her. REALLY! NEVER! She knows why I say no and she respects it. She isn’t always happy, and she is far from perfect and we argue, but bottom line is that when there is really good, consistent communication, there is no need to spoil a kid.

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