Welcome to the segment I like to call- people who I hope aren’t really stupid but just say stupid things.

When you are a parent you are open to a huge amount of unsolicited advice and questions about your parenting and/or your children.

It starts with pregnancy-

When are you due? Okay this one is harmless and I ask it too.

Why didn't I think of this? Mine would have had a nice 'now STFU' embroidered underneath it.

What are you having? A baby.

Oh you aren’t big at all. Seriously? I’ve gained 40 pounds, can’t see my feet or tie my shoes, and when I sit on the toilet I lean back because my belly hits my knees;  but sure, I am so petite. Yeah.

Oh you are big. No shit.

Then comes the baby-

What’s his name? HER name is….was the pink hat a clue? How about the dress? I don’t mind gender neutral babies, people who don’t like pink fluffy stuff. That’s fine. But if the baby is wearing pink, I’m pretty darn sure it’s a girl.

"CUTE! What's his name?"

The following questions are my favorite:

My friend is half Korean, her husband is Chinese. Her daughters both look Asian. I guess my friend looks less Asian. While out with her infant daughter at a store, a woman asked, “Where did you get her?” I guess she meant what country and that my friend’s daughter looked nothing like her; ergo she’s adopted. Whatevs.

"Cute baby. Where did you get it?"

My husband’s cousin has three children. I am one of three children. My husband is one of three children. There’s a lot of people with three children. When mentioned cousin was out with all three of her children the other day the words, ‘you have your hands full‘ were used. This is par for the course. Then, the woman asked, ‘Are they all yours?‘ She’s not Octomom for crying out loud!

"OOH, she looks like she has her hands full." Duh.

Other mundane conversation starters- Is he sleeping through the night? You’re using cloth diapers? Good luck with that!

She still sleeps in your bed?

You’re STILL breast feeding?    What? It’s not like he’s TEN!

OOh, you STOPPED breast feeding? That’s sad.  My nipples had fallen off and the doctor recommended I stop.

You look tired.

Thanks. I am. Of you.

This picture is so unrealistic. I haven't gotten an ironing board out in 12 years.

22 thoughts on “Welcome to the segment I like to call- people who I hope aren’t really stupid but just say stupid things.

  1. Being a guy talking to a pregnant woman is hard. On one hand, there’s this glaringly obvious conversation starter that’s looking me right in the eye. Then the doubt sets in. What if she’s not prenant and she just holds her weight there? What if it’s a tumor or something? What if she just ate a beach ball last night and inflated it to see what would happen??? So I refuse to bring up pregnancy unless the woman brings it up. That makes me look stupid anyway because at this point I’m just making sounds like a drunk guy with Tourette’s.

    Anyway, what I’m saying is, great post!

    • Thanks for reading and commenting. Your method is a safe option. It’s okay to not mention a pregnant lady’s belly. Unless her water breaks on your shoes, the conversation doesn’t have to center around the bump under her shirt.

      • Even if her water broke on my shoe I would just assume she had a bladder problem. It does lead to some interesting situations though. There’s a woman I work with that WANTS me to notice and something so bad it’s killing her. Every time I get in to a conversations with her I stare manically at her face trying not to look down at her midsection while, at the same time, SHE’S there doing everything she can to get me to notice that she’s with child. It starts with a vague reference to her weight, then she rubs it subtly with her hands and finally she starts waving that baby cocoon at me like those little “number 1” foam finger things you see at football games. I still said nothing. I hold onto my values.

  2. Hahaha…who irons anymore?

    Living in California, you get a lot of really jerky questions from complete strangers even. A week or so ago, we were in the Trader Joe’s parking lot – in the car – and I had to make a quick phone call before we went in (I think it is totally rude for people to be walking around shouting on their phones and/or standing at the register talking). My kids unclicked their seat belts and climbed into the front seat with the window down and were looking around while I made the call. Right as I got off the phone, some lady walked by and looked in and asked “Do you girls have carseats?” Then stood there waiting for an answer. People really do say stupid things.

    • I was at Sephora with my daughter and we were checking out lipsticks. A customer walks up to us and says, “be sure not to try any of those on- you never know if someone used it before you with the herpes.” Maybe that were her confession or something.

  3. OUTSTANDIG POST! I LOVE the stupid things people say. One of my favorite responses to people on the phone when I need to leave a message is when they ask me if I can spell my name. I always say, “Yes, since I was four–pretty darned impressive huh?” Then I say no more. Really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing this.
    PKC @todayinhh

  4. My sister is married to a Filipino man and a woman came up to her in the airport to ask “where did he come from” while looking at my nephew. I wish my sister would have replied “from my vagina”.

  5. Ah R! I feel so special to be included in your blog! 🙂 I have to agree, lots of people ask stupid questions, but the majority don’t do so with malice. What bothers me more is the unsolicited advice that people want to give out, and the thing that bothers me the MOST is when that said advice is completely ridiculous , archaic and clearly shows that the person has no idea WTF their talking about. Mind your own business people!

  6. Sensitivity and manners are lost on so many people. Um, how good an idea is it to ask a woman who just had a baby, or is currently pregnant, a stupid question? Not to smart.

  7. I’m sure I’ve fallen into the stupid category at times. Really, I’m brilliant, but my tongue isn’t connected to my brain. So my mouth is looking for a stall tactic while my brain is trying to come up with a sentence other than: “Good heavens, that woman looks like she’s going to burst. If I were her, I’d lay down on the floor of this grocery store and make people carry groceries to me and put them in my cart.”
    Well…no one wants to hear that so I stick with: “When are you due? and if that one’s already used up, I just murmur: “Good Luck” That seems to fit most situations. Funny funny post.

  8. Ahh, this made me laugh! I think most of the time people just want to make pleasant, casual conversation and end up putting their foot in their mouth. Of course, there are those other people…

  9. I can see that your wit carries you through the inanities of life. Wit is a marvelous survival tool. I must confess that I hung my head a little as I recognized that at certain points of my life, I’ve probably been guilty of at least a few of these foupaues…darned if I can spell that word!

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