Archive | March 12, 2012

Go the F*ck to Sleep! (TM)

Everyone is griping about Daylight Savings Time. Here’s my two cents.

The hour of sleep we lose;  I seriously don’t get it. Where does that hour go? Are we still fucking farmers that need to fake the rooster into thinking it’s later or earlier or whatever the hell it’s supposed to do? They give us this hour in November only to just take it away in March. Gee thanks.

Here’s the dialog that goes on in my house the day of and after Daylight Savings Time:

Me- “It’s time for bed kids.”

Them-“Mom, it’s only 9 o’clock.”

Me- “Yeah, it’s totally bed time.”

Them- “But it’s 8 o’clock old time. We don’t go to bed at 8 o’clock.”

Me- “There isn’t any ‘old’ time. It’s just the TIME now. When you wake up in the morning, it’s 7’clock NEW time which will suck because you’ll feel like it’s 6 o’clock OLD time. Just go to bed!”


Twenty minutes after reading Harry Potter with them, wrangling them to brush their teeth (really, I need to remind you? AGAIN!), rubbing their backs, –

One of them- “Mom, I can’t go to sleep.”

Me- “Oh. Let me get my magic sleepy dust to give you, I forgot.”

Them- “MO–OOM, that’s not funny! I need help to sleep.”

Me- “why the fuck is this my problem?’ “Fine, I’ll scratch your back and stroke your hair.”

Them- “Can I have some water?”

Them- “I have an itch, can I have some ointment?”

Them- “Can you put that lavender stuff on my forehead?” (I introduced them to aromatherapy awhile ago)


Nobel Fucking Prize winner

My kids are almost 9 and 12. I’m cool with soothing them from a nightmare, helping them if they’re sick. But why is it MY problem that they just can’t wind down to sleep some nights?? They should be old enough to lay there and not bother me watching my DVR recording of Saturday Night Live. It doesn’t happen often, which should make me extra tolerant when it does. But I’m not. I try to figure out what isolates it when it does- late snack, certain shows, sleepover the night before… stuff like that. In this case, DST.

I’ve decided that when insomnia hits me- I’m going into one of their rooms, shaking them gently, and letting them know I can’t sleep. I would like to get a back rub, or someone to stroke my hair, and maybe a glass of water. Okay, that will never happen. I rarely get insomnia and you would have to be stupid to wake up a sleeping child. That, and you would have to be stupid to take away an hour of sleep from all of us parents.

Fuck you Ben Franklin.


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