Wax on; wax off.

What’s the first rule of writing? Write about what you know. OKAAAY then. I’m writing about me. Moi, myself and I.

My friend over at  You Know it Happens At Your House Too sent out this ‘challenge’ or ‘assignment’ if you will.

Fifteen things your readers don’t know about you. Really? Fifteen? Isn’t that a lot? I mean, if I use up all fifteen, then what will I have to write about tomorrow? OH wait… PMS… Just kidding! Sort of…

Okay here goes.

1) I like that song The Climb by Miley Cyrus. I know- dippy. But the lyrics are really good. I get kinda teary thinking about certain struggles like paying the credit card bills, sticking to my non-dairy-no meat diet, wondering if my children will appreciate everything I’ve done for them.  So I want to stand in some meadow belting this song out at the top of my lungs. I also want to stand in a meadow and spin like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music— maybe, that’s my #2.

2) I want to spin on a mountainside meadow and sing The Hills Are Alive, With the Sound of Music. I mean, WHO DOESN’T?

3) I don’t wax anywhere except my eyebrows. I mean, ANYWHERE. Is that bad? Please tell me I am not the only woman on the planet that doesn’t wax her business. Like Tina Fey said on Saturday Night Live a few seasons back;  “Women used to have a garden down there the size of a New York City slice of pizza.”  Let’s not go into any more detail, but seriously? One more thing for me to groom? I think not.

4) I spent my senior year spring break getting my wisdom teeth out. All four. Impacted. I was a nerd. But hey, I got it out of the way.

5) I kind of miss the way my kids smell when they were little. Now they just have body odor and morning breath. I like the ‘after-nap’ smell of when they were 2 years old. Kinda sweaty behind the neck and sweet and peach fuzzy. I don’t miss the toddler years, but sometimes I just wish they could smell like that again. And take naps. And not talk back. And do their homework.

6) I only have two houseplants and they are barely alive.

7) I have a horrible fear of heights. Even thinking of looking out a skyscraper windows makes my palms sweat.

8) I met my husband at a funeral. NOOOW, don’t think he was like Will Farrell in Wedding Crashers, “sad women are soo horny” Eww. No! Our families were friends and his grandmother passed away so we had all attended the funeral. He didn’t ask me out, but we were introduced.

9) I have never mowed our lawn. I don’t do yard work. I don’t really do housework. What DO I DO?

10) I’m one of those people that loves to do Karaoke and think I can sing, but really I can’t. I pretend to pull it off with STAGE PRESENCE. Sell it… sell it… I think I will vlog a Karaoke performance for you. THAT would be AWESOME.

11) I used to do this thing when I was a teenager where I would use a big word, that I didn’t really know what it meant, my friend Stacey would be like, ‘that’s not what that means’. I would be all back at her, ‘that is so esoteric of you’.

12) I want to be a figure skater. Or a Vegas show girl. I want to be anything that requires lots of makeup, glitter, and fishnets. I used to act out Olympic figure skating finals events in my bedroom. I can’t skate. Other than that, I think my chances are good for a career as a drag queen.

13) When I was 4 years old I wanted to marry Shaun Cassidy. I watched The Hardy Boys and I was sure that 14 year age difference meant that he would wait for me. A Do Run Run, A Do Run Run.

Parker was pretty darn cute too. What's better- those collars or high-waisted pants?

14) I hated zucchini when I was a kid, but would love my mom’s cream of zucchini soup.

15) My husband and I honeymooned in New England. We had lobster, clam chowder and stayed in Bed & Breakfasts. Who were we kidding? Our marriage was tested immediately. We survived 10 days of driving long hours in the car- him not asking for directions, me insisting we needed to stop for Maine Coon cat souvenirs. We stayed in Inns with no room service and squeaky bed frames. Why we didn’t go to Mexico and sit beside a pool getting drinks brought to us and endless room service, I don’t know. But that was 15 years ago. And we would do it again. But this time we would have GPS to guide us through the endless and confusing highway system of downtown Boston. We would do it, and we would ENJOY IT!

Well that was fun. ONLY 15?? Gosh I could keep going…

21 thoughts on “Wax on; wax off.

  1. I don’t wax, either. Not even my eyebrows, and people who know me in real life are very aware. Because I had walking pneumonia, my graduation trip to Disney World was postponed, and I instead spent the weekend in Pigeon Forge. Hey, Mom! You still owe me a trip! My husband and I survived a honeymoon of long drives, as well, including a wrong turn that sent us driving across someone’s lawn.

  2. You’re seriously funny. I like you.

    And on a side note, my husband made a comment about “tending the garden” (when I was pregnant), and I said “I can’t see the damn thing so no problem exists from my point of view.” We had no honeymoon and chose to build a house and get out of our craphole apt where we were never sure if we would be coming home to a contact high or not. Lovely neighbors.

  3. You had me at missing the way your kids smell. Only moms get this. We’re animals. I want to sniff their baby parts. Can’t help myself. Don’t want to. Who has time to wax when I’m chasing my kids down to snort on them?

    • I didn’t have the record, but I remember seeing a girl wearing a t-shirt with him on it, and I HAD to have it. I fell in love when I saw him on the Dinah Shore show. Remember that?

      • Oh yes. My mom never missed Dinah!

        Somewhere around here I have a picture of me posing in King Kong’s hand at an amusement park and I’m wear **squeals** a Shaun Cassidy shirt!

  4. Hi,
    I used to love listening to Shaun Cassidy songs, I knew the lyrics very well. 🙂
    There was no way Mum was ever going to get me to eat zucchini, even now I can still remember that awful taste the first time I had a bite, but my Husband loves them so I do buy them and cook them. 😀

  5. Wax is for candles. And creepy wax museums – just my opinion.
    And I too wanted to be an Olympic figure skater all glittered out and twirly. Plus I had a crush on Brian Orser (Mr. Triple Axel, swoon!!)

  6. We could be twins based solely on 4, 5, 6 and 12…exactly the same. I knew I loved you for a reason!

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