Am I Fat?

Well I’ll save you the trouble of answering that. No, I’m not.

But I still struggle with how I look, as does 99 % of the females in this country do too. I want to focus on my inner beauty. I do. But most of the time I’m a little distracted by the outer train wreck that is my aging self and I forget these important things.

I need to tell myself,  I’m okay. You need to tell YOURSELF that you’re okay. But some things in the media have been bothering me and I will get them off my chest.

Sports Illustrated swim suit model, Kate Upton, has been called fat. Fat?  Hmm, here’s a picture of her-

I’m sorry, who’s complaining?

and here-

How many folks would let her eat crackers in their bed? Show of hands please.

And here’s a blog about what the hell is wrong with people out there calling her fat. I knew about ProAna, (how-to Anorexia website) but I didn’t know about Thinspirational lingo. Gag me. And not in the Bulimia way folks.


So when I ask, Am I fat? the answer is still no. But I would be considered a plus size model in the industry. Plus size!  I waver around a solid size 6. My jeans are sometimes an 8, because they’re jeans people!  So Plus size? I don’t even shop at Lane Bryant. Why would I be Plus size if I don’t wear Plus size?  I’m an average size 5’6″ , one hundred and forty-five pounds.  Even my feet are an average size 8.

My BMI is healthy, my proportions are right- I’m like 34, 27, 38. Okay, I’m 32, 28,39. Whatever. It depends on the time of the month. However, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can help with the dimples, dots, divets, veins, stretch marks and pimply pale skin that is me. Between the barnacles, skin tags, 3rd nipples…did I just say that? I mean, my dermatologist says it’s just my skin overactive in the mammalian variety, whatever.. ANYWAY, it’s not pretty.


I am not a plus-sized, woman. I am a healthy, 40 year old, soft and squishy mom of 2!

Comments from people on Kate Upton article read,  ‘oh, she’s pretty, but she could tone up a bit’. Really people? You are going to knock a woman for being a bit, uhm, womanly? Reading fashion magazines and beauty magazines is dumbing down our senses. We are conditioned to see size zero perfectly airbrushed models that DON’T EXIST in the real world! Nit picking over every fold, inch, pudge or dimple is dangerous. Stop seeing just the hole when there’s the entire donut to focus on! A donut with chocolate icing and extra sprinkles that is so wonderful, you forget there’s a hole.

So here- tell me I’m fat. Go on, I dare ya. (Okay, please don’t. Yeah, thanks.)

Oh, who’s going to the pool??

I’m all like, yeah, whatever, like my cellulite?

Hmm, let’s see, I’m going on vacation soon!! (this one might be blurry on purpose)

Would it be fun to be a svelte, tone, size 2? Yes.  But I’m glad I’m HEALTHY, STRONG, and HAPPY!

I’m 40 and freaking fantastic!

Take that stupid magazines- you can suck my 3rd nipple. (DID I JUST SAY THAT?)

56 thoughts on “Am I Fat?

  1. OMG! You are GORGEOUS!!!! I have literally gone through every size from a 24 to a 2! In that order! Okay, well I am in a maternity small and some mediums now and I have NO clue what size I will be after this baby gets here but I’m thinking I will be “plus size model” too. I just don’t care anymore though. I love what you said about being Happy Healthy and Strong! I hate that in the media’s eyes to be skinny is to show bones. Keep your size 6 because you totally rock it!!!!!

  2. Just what i needed to read… I just attended a bachelorette party where I am the only 40 year old bridesmaid. All other 5 maids are in their 20s and slim & taut. While they don’t have two kids and 12 years + on ’em.. I think I looked “ok”… well.. someone took a picture of yours truly with their M3-enhancer lens on… Dear god. Don’t get me wrong… I eat healthily (very healthily). I exercise DAILY (run, swim, and weight train) and I am still a size 10. A picture was posted today on FB of me in my 40 glory, right next to the maid of honour who is seriously size 0 and 18 years old. I am very happy to read your post. It brightened my day! I’m healthy. I can run farther than all of ’em and I have two great kids and a husband who loves me “just the way I am”. Awesome post! xoxo M3

    • I know EXACTLY what you are talking about!! I’m so glad it resonated with you just the way I planned. We shouldn’t desire to be those little 20somethings anymore, just own who we are now!!

  3. I just love you. Plain and simple. And I agree wholeheartedly. I was at the beach this weekend and there were 3 beautiful teenage girls in bikinis taking pictures of each other. They were hiding behind rocks and complaining about how fat they looked and I was thinking “YOU STOOOOPID GIRLS!” I was them once. Completely unaware of my gorgeousness and comparing myself to fake people. Now, I look at myself and go “EHMEGERD….wish I was a ‘fat’ teenager NOW!”

    Funny thing is, I am now also on the wrong size of 35, and probably have never looked worse, but I am at peace with myself. I look in the mirror, say hi to the old, fluffy lady (ACK!) and tell her “You can dooo eeeet!” and smile sweetly because hey, she needs all the lovin’ she can get! Then I get on the elliptical machine and sweat and listen to Jillian Michaels and know that my pancreas is GORRRRJUS.

    Love your blog 🙂

    • I hate youth wasted on the young!! I never would have worn a 2piece in my 20s. What an idiot I was!
      I love your You can dooo eeet. I can hear that voice in my head!!
      Thanks very much for the kind words.

  4. So this was my favorite line-” I’m a plus-sized, 40 almost, soft and squishy mom of 2. STOP with the plus size!!”
    I laughed aloud at that one. It is completely ridiculous the standards woman are held to. If I had your body, the only thing I would wear would be a bikini! Your third nipple is treating your body right, girl! 😉

  5. You look fantastic! And this needed to be said – screw plus-sized modeling at size 6! I’ve heard the argument that designers put their clothes on waif-thin models because that’s how the clothes look best – ummm, HELLO? Then how about making some clothes that look good on the people who might actually buy them???

  6. My wife and I were watching Taboo on the National Geographic Channel (that’s our idea of quality time these days). It discussed “beauty” and how people all over the world perceive what “beauty” really is. You should check that one out if you haven’t done so already.

    At any rate it echoes much of what you speak of. We have a huge image problem, especially in Western civilization. It is absurd that how a person looks can dictate how successful they are or how people treat them. We are moving dangerously close to–if not already over the precipice of–becoming a very shallow, moral-less civilization; a decadent society which places values on, pardon my language, but places value on the wrong shit.

    You are absolutely right. WE need to change this as consumers but the revolution is a ways off. We have devolved as a species. But that’s just how I feel….

  7. You have me LOL at the whole ‘plus size’ thing. Girl, you are not plus sized. I think you are normal sized. I’m a skinny girl…always have been. I am not normal. I know this. What I love so much is that you are embracing who you are. I will tell you there is so much ugliness out there directed at skinny girls that I never really do that (embrace who I am). I get scared that all the more normal women will be mad at me for not being “normal”. Dumb, right? You look great! Thanks for reminding ALL OF US to embrace it.

  8. Go you! I have the same dilemma all the time. I want to be thinner, but I’m actually what is considered a “healthy” weight and I know it’s stupid. Still, I dread wearing a bathing suit (and mine looks remarkably like yours – I have caved to the swim skirt and depend up on the bikini top to “draw the eye upward.” Sheesh! You look fab and so do the rest of us. Speak for the real people!

  9. I think you’re my body twin! I’m 5’6″ size 8.5 shoe, & I weigh about 1 hundred nirthan 7 pounds. (I also happen to be 2 shades lighter than white with sporadic freckles & stretchmarks & dimples as far as the eye can see which you look lucky enough not to be plagued with.) I get down on my body pretty frequently, but looking at your pics I think you’re beautiful & perfectly proportioned. Thank you for that reality check/much needed slap in the face. You are one brave & beautiful lady!

  10. Come on Girls…when will you realize that your weight is just a number…#150 on a 5’9 body will look different than on a 5’5…whether you’ve had 2 kids, 5 or none, your body doesn’t define who you are…it’s sad to hear all this negativity about your bodies…love yourself, love who you are, take care of you, physically, mentally and spiritually….Life is too prescious, full of unknowns to be hung up on weight and muffintops…No, I’m not model material unless there’s a Chubby Gramma swimsuit section…but I’ve been on the diet merry go round and it’s a no win situation when you can’t accept yourself….

  11. While I can still fit into my prepregnancy clothes and was spared stretch marks (I don’t know how after having twins 11 months after my first baby), I did end up with a soft doughy tummy and dimply butt/thighs. I always had the third nipple, that is not a pregnancy side effect. My flaws do bother me sometimes. But at 34, I think I look good. I’m in decent shape thanks to my boys, my BMI is healthy and I feel more confidant about myself now than I ever did when I was younger and more toned. Could I exercise like crazy and get “ripped”? Yes, but I’d rather spend my time doing something else. I don’t want to have a six pack, I just want to be healthy and be able to run after my grandkids the way I do my boys. I think are quite the hot mama!

  12. I loved reading your post! Inspiring attitude and positive self image, lots of very amusing humor, and a vitally important message. You see, I’m the father of a 31 year old daughter who although she’s very healthy now, she struggled with eating disorders back when she was in her teens, so what you get across here is absolutely relevant to my personal life experience.

    I loved reading these words from you: “I’m glad I’m HEALTHY, STRONG, and HAPPY!” You have no idea just how happy I would be, if I could hear my daughter right now, speak those very same words as her own, and genuinely believe it. She’s come a very long way in a positive direction, and she deserves all the credit in the world for how hard she has worked for the progress she has made. But she’s not quite where you are yet, with that same level of self acceptance, both physically and emotionally. But I absolutely believe that she will get there.

    It’s inspiring to see you so relaxed, free and easy about posting swimsuit pix of yourself, and looking like you’re having a lot of fun doing it. I think the ability to do that is a genuine form of beauty, and I so very much want my daughter to have that same ability to express that kind of beauty – and again, I know that she will get there.

    I could now go into a rant savaging the fashion industry… and believe me when I say that I’ve done it before. But I don’t want to go into a rant, because I’m in a good mood right now, and you already made those points about the fashion industry for me, and you did it very well. Thanks so much for this post and all you have conveyed here, because you give me hope, and I’m sure that you are doing the same for others who read this.

    You are HEALTHY, STRONG, and HAPPY! And I think you look great in your photos! I hope you have a wonderful vacation in Hawaii. 🙂

  13. My best friend has always been waif thin. When we were in our early 20’s we worked out together so she could gain weight and I could lose it. She has always been jealous of my curves and I have always been jealous of her abs… and the fact that she could wear a shirt without a bra in public!!! It just goes to show that the grass is not always greener. After 2 kids, I went from curvy to frumpy, and in the midst of the postpartum emotional roller coaster I wasn’t always in love with my new body. I can happily say that I am comfortable in my new… slightly used and very abused…skin, and I’m going to use HEALTHY, STRONG, and HAPPY as my new mantra! I hope you stay pastey and proud, and have the time of your life in Hawaii!

  14. Ohhhh my gah!!! I am soo glad im not the only who feels that way. I read on this stupid blog at and they were saying not only was Kate Upton fat but a cow, piggie, and a ton of other ridiculous names. They also said Lindsey Lohan was fat in her playboy spread, that Brittany Spears was fat, and all these other people. One girl even posted a comment asking if anyone knew of a good quick diet that she wanted to get back down to her original weight, she was 5’8 117lbs and wanted to be 100lbs. I went on a crazy rampage for a week after i read it.

  15. Hey! I’m Flynn! I’m a 21 year old woman who used to struggle with anorexia because I was with a man who told me I was too fat. Yeah! I did lose the weight but it sure did cost me my health. Anyway, now my waist line’s like, 27inches!HA! but I don’t care whenever someone tells me I’m fat.. cause I’m eating right, staying fit and living healthy! that’s all that matters to me. We should stop patronizing those skinny models who delude our hopes of looking beautiful. Beauty is not to look skinny or to wear the trending designer clothes! Beauty must come from the heart. A beautiful woman is a woman who is confident enough to carry herself no matter what the weight, the height, the color of the skin or the brand of clothes.

    I salute you for posting your photos and for writing this!! I hope that you would be able to awaken such young minds who are brain washed to starve their selves to death and hate their own life and body only because the media says so!


    “What is essential is invisible to the eyes”

  16. What everyone else said, and also, in case it wasn’t already said (I just glanced through all the comments) I don’t even think you need a spray-tan!!! You look just perfect the way you are – your pale skin is beautiful! So glad I stumbled across your blog! (You Know It Happens At Your House Too sent me)

    • Well that’s just super sweet of you! I’ve always admired people like Anne Hathaway and Nicole Kidman for flaunting their paleness. Hmm, there might be some enhanced glow to happen- we’ll see. 😉

  17. I’m approximately the same age and almost exactly the same size as you ( my boobs are bigger because I got them put back after kids. :)). I see you and think you look great, even I wish I looked like that. I see myself and think what happened to me and I really need to buckle down and lose the last ten pounds (but my piece of trader joes chocolate cake for dessert was certainly delicious!). I can’t explain the absurdity of it. As a mom, I hope I can teach my kids to be healthy and confident.

  18. Thank you for doing this. I’ve been called everything from fat to skinny and whatever comes in between.
    You’re beautiful, Kate is beautiful, I just wish all those women trying to starve themselves, hurting themselves, and being cruel to others because of how they feel about themselves could see that they, too, are beautiful.

    • I agree. Thank you for your comment. Trying to teach my daughter that health and strength are first and foremost- everything after that is just bonus! I wish more girls realized this.

  19. HOT MAMA! You are so brave, and so right on all counts. I’m so glad to find this blog, which just got added to my reader for many re-shares. ❤

  20. I’m giving you a standing ovation right now for posting your bikini pictures. 42 year old mom of five here who can’t figure out why she has not lost the weight from the baby she had 13 months ago. :/ I feel so awful about myself sometimes, and then I remember where I am in life and what I’ve been through and all I have on my plate and a tiny bit of realism creeps in. Thanks for being so brave and honest and making us all feel good. New reader here! 🙂

  21. Damn, you fine! I don’t like ladies with all them ripplin muscles and whatnot. You can walk around my crib in that swimsuit any day.

  22. You are beautiful. I love this post. It is insane the social pressures we all face to look like say…. a 12 year old with breast. You inspire me to try and be more confidant with myself. Thank you so much.

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