Like the Modern Family episode- the Anniversary- the kids walk in on the parents to surprise them with breakfast in bed.
They get more than they bargained for.
Luke- “It looked like they were wrestling and dad was winning.”
I should send the following dialog to ABC. I think they would appreciate it. My screen play is in the works. Okay, I will try to capture every essence of the HORROR my daughter experienced during this conversation:
(Some background, my daughter is 12. She is a very mature 12. Knows the birds and bees stuff. But she still thinks sex is icky (thank GOD) and she definitely thinks the thought of her parents having sex is SUPER ICKY)
Me: You and your brother need to go to bed before 10 tonight. You guys have been staying up too late. Plus, mommy and daddy need some mommy and daddy time.
Her: What do you mean ‘mommy and daddy time’?
Me: Well, you know, it is after all, your father’s birthday. It would be nice not to watch Phineas and Ferb before we go to bed, and also get some time together. (So trying to be subtle here.)
Her: Eww!!!! WHAT???? You do not DO THAT??? Are you saying you and dad do THAT in the house??
Me: Where would you like us to do it, in the back yard?
Her: MO–om! I mean, don’t you like, DO IT when we are gone?
Me: When are you and your brother gone and we are home alone? Never. So yes, when you go to Grandma’s in a couple weeks, we’ll have some time then. But every other week, we gotta do it under the same roof as you.
Her: So, when we are home sleeping in our beds, you and dad are all, like, kissing and stuff NAKED??? What if Owen walks in?
Me: We take our chances and lock the door. (seriously, I’m grinning so hard on the inside during this convo.)
Her: Well, then I’m coming in your room at night from now on to prevent that from going on!
Me: You sure you want to do that? I mean, what if you come in at accidentally the WRONG time?
Her: OHMYGOSH!!!! YOU’re right!! I’m never coming in your room again. Oh, I’m going to throw up.
Me: Seriously, sweetie. It’s no big deal. We had to make you and your brother at some point. Just think, each of your grandparents did too. And THEY have 3 kids each.
Her: OH MY GOD!!! SCRUB MY BRAIN SCRUB MY BRAIN!!!! WHY did you SAY THAT??? Now I can’t help but think…… oh….. EWWWWW!!!
Me: <giggling> I’m so glad we had this talk sweetie.
Her: I’m going to go scrub my eyes and watch kitten videos on YouTube. I might vomit first.
Me: You do that honey. Just remember, bedtime is 9:30.
Her: <No words just the hugest eye roll EVER.>