It’s time we had a woman in office.
But I don’t think that gal is me.
The fancy state dinners and meeting the Olympic champions and winners of the Superbowl would be fun. I’d love being in the balcony at the Kennedy Center Honors. But holy shit. The scrutiny of public office would put me in a state of the runs. There’s not enough pepto and chamomile tea to comfort that twisted feeling deep down in that lower intestine of mine.
This is what being President would be like for me: I would come up with great ideas and policies. And then they would always have a flip side of how they wouldn’t work.
Every 3rd Friday of the month is free lip gloss day at Sephora.
This just in- the Council of Shoe Addicts is concerned that you didn’t give their platform a voice. (see what I did there? Platform?? Nevermind.)
Oh crap. You just can’t please everyone.
How about this one-
Whenever you file your taxes early you get a kitten.
This just in- Dog lovers aren’t pleased.
Christ on a bike!!
This just in- Roller bladers that like Jesus feel left out.
Oh for the love of cheese, I can’t win!
How about let’s have International High Tea day! All the countries of the world will join in tea and scones for everyone!
This is a good id… WHAT NOW???
Don’t even get me started on the criticism. The comments on my hair and clothes would be relentless.
But here’s the thing. I want rainbows, puppies and cupcakes for everyone. I want children to not go hungry. Animals to have warm, safe homes. I want veterans to have employment. I want world peace. I want fabulous schools and education for all.
Call me an optimist, call me an idiot. I always want the best for people. What I want, isn’t what everyone wants. So the means to an end doesn’t always match everyone’s ideals.
This is why I would suck at politics. I would spend nights crying in my pillow wondering why people didn’t like my ideas. My feelings would be hurt by the jokes the late night television hosts would use to slay my personality quirks and make fun of my Drew Barrymore-ish lisp. The pundits would have a field day with my policies.
I have to believe that Jon Stewart would have something nice to say about me.
So, luckily, you don’t have to vote for me. But do vote, please. Someone fought for that.