Okay, this is not a little boy’s blog about underwear. Let’s get serious here folks. (snort laughter) I mean, if it were up to my 3rd grade son to write a blog about underwear, it would be all about why underwear should have pockets. Yes… I’ll leave you with that bit of geniusness.
Undergarments. Yay or nay? I love my undergarments. But I found out (dun da dun) not everyone does!! Some of my friends don’t even wear underwear!! EWW!! So I’ve decided to compile four groups of women and their philosophies about undergarments. I am using the Mad Men ladies to illustrate my point. I mean, because… well, why not??!! They are fine ladies and back then in the 60s, fashion was really going through a lot of changes. But I will also sort of use a time machine to introduce things like thongs and SPANX. Since they didn’t have those back then. They still wore belts with their feminine products for crying out loud!
Then we have our undergarment categories:
Commando (that’s no underwear, BTW)
Boy short with lace
Here is how I think the girls match up to the underwear or lack of. Decide who you match up with in YOUR undergarment preferences. Can you guess who I am?
Joan- Commando. This girl is not to be bothered with visible panty lines or any extra fabric for that matter. She wears SPANX slips under her pencil skirts and cocktail dresses. She is sleek and smooth. On weekends, she wears peddle pushers and silk negligees. Commando. Totally. She is fearless and knows her shit. This girl would not be caught dead in yoga pants or anything else like from our time. And she would NEVER let her man see her stuff herself into her SPANX either. (ahem, nothing to see here, move along. NOT that I’VE done that, oh no. Maybe once.)
Betty- Thong. She is stuck in the middle. She probably would love to go Commando but thinks it would be unsanitary. She doesn’t want to soil more garments than she should. And she’s such a twig she doesn’t need the support of any garments to hold in flab. She opts for zero panty lines, but with some crotch coverage, just in case, for you know, female stuff.
Peggy- Granny briefs. Peggy’s strict Catholic upbringing has instilled in her that good girls wear ginormous underwear. She likes the security it gives her. Girdles and support hose will help with the panty lines. She needs coverage all the time, 24/7. Despite her struggles to be ‘one of the guys’ at the office professionally, she still asserts her feminine side and isn’t shy of feeling sexy, despite the granny pants she has underneath her pencil skirt. She’s uber confident that way.
Trudy- Boy shorts with lace. Trudy is complex. She wants everything without coming across needy, bitchy or slutty. Comfort, no panty lines, sex appeal, coverage. She’s not just a little housewife. She needs to keep her husband interested. She needs to know that in case of an emergency she’ll have coverage where she needs it. (What emergency? you ask.) Well, like what if she sneezes and looses a little bladder control. It’s not her fault she doesn’t know what kegels are.
So there you have it.
My underwear philosophies. To each her own, right?