Tag Archive | People I Want to Punch in the Throat

It’s a Punch in the Throat book giveaway!!

Is it Christmas time already? Are you disgusted with those sappy commercials and Black Friday store hours before you’ve even put your blasted Butter Ball in the oven for Thanksgiving?

Well, have I got a treat for you and your commiserating self.

Nineteen of your favorite mom humor bloggers had a meeting and we all agreed. There’s a brand new book that we think you NEED to read this holiday season. The title says it all.

Spending The Holidays With People I Want To Punch In The Throat is a heartwarming (yes, really!) collection of hilarious holiday-themed personal stories and observations written by none other than Jen of the well-known blog People I Want To Punch in the Throat

If the holidays have you stressing about gift giving, cookie decorating, or where in the world to put your Elf on the Shelf, then you need to take a mommy time out and read a chapter or two.

And now you can have a chance to peruse the pages for free. Consider it our holiday gift to you. We are teaming up to give away 19 copies of the book. All you have to do is enter the giveaway using the Rafflecopter form over to the right for your chance to win an AUTOGRAPHED copy!

We promise that it is both endearing and hilarious, but you don’t have to take our word for it. Here is where I read the part about what it would be like to write the perfect Christmas letter if you happen to be an Over Achieving Mom. Notice my fancy Christmas shirt and turtleneck I wore special for the occasion.

See? Told you. Now you want your own copy right? Well, Jen generously donated an autographed copy to every blogger participating in this giveaway so that we could increase your chances to win. You can enter using Rafflecopter. This giveaway is open to US residents only.

“But wait, that’s not all!” we say in our best Price is Right announcer voice. We couldn’t get a bunch of tech-savvy moms together for a book giveaway and not bring you an eReader, right? So we are also giving away a Kindle Fire!

Click the photo of the Kindle to take you to the Rafflecopter entry.

NINETEEN winners will receive a copy of Spending The Holidays With People I Want To Punch In The Throat and ONE lucky Grand Prize winner will receive a Kindle Fire! What are you waiting for? Get clicking!  Contest ends at midnight on November 20th. Enter today and every day until then! Don’t just take my word for here. Click here and read the reviews!

 

Ooh, mama’s pimp wagon

Okay, that makes no sense. I do not employ hookers, I am not giving pimps rides to their ‘hoods. My daughter used this phrase the other day. I shudder to think if she knows what a pimp actually is. What I’m really talking about, is my sweet ride- the minivan.

okay, THIS is a pimp car.

You know you want one.

I’m about to go somewhere so controversial, so visceral with some readers, it’s going to give you white knuckles, beads of sweat over your top lip, heart palpitations.

I like my minivan.

Boom. I said it. Yeah. Hell, it’s in my blog bio for crikey’s sake: Mom of 2, wife of 1 and I drive a minivan.

Holla bitches!

Okay, so some of you wonder why I swear in my blog and rarely in real life. Yes it’s my alter ego. But seriously- I’m a woman of cliche’s. I was PTA president, live in the ‘burbs, drive a minivan and wear yoga pants like a uniform.

I gotta have me some swagga. Like Ke$ha waking up in a bathtub filled with bodily fluids that aren’t her own, like Steven Tyler wandering the streets looking for dudes that look like ladies, like Colin Ferrill going to a paternity test at the clinic… I need to live through the page! The WORD people!!

I’m getting off topic. My post is about minivans.

Why do people hate them so much? Geeze! My super blog diva friend PEOPLE I WANT TO PUNCH IN THE THROAT confessed to her readers that she wants a minivan. She has like 30,000 fans on her Facebook page, which says two things: 1)My fans need to get busy, cuz I’m way behind. 2) There’s a lot of people that think she’s the bomb.

So if she says she wants a minivan that’s cool right? Wrong! Boy did she get hundreds of comments and some people were just downright mean.

For example:

“Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I need to tell the world by driving a minivan.”

What does this comment actually mean? Tell the world? When you go out in public as a family, aren’t you telling the world then?

I could sympathize if she said, “Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I need to show off my saggy ass and stretch marks in a bikini to the world”. Okay, this makes sense to me.

Here’s another:

“I would die in a minivan. I would much prefer my SUV.”

Okay, you would die in a minivan? People this is what I call a FWP (First World Problem). Really? If you did die, there would be plenty of room to stretch out.  OH SNAP!

I don’t go ragging on all you SUV drivers. Most minivans and SUVs get the same miles per gallon. They can have the same seating capacity. I don’t know why you need some big hulking beast of a vehicle to go to the mall or drop your kids off at school, but hey, if it works for you, then great.

I do like my slidey doors on my Odyssey. I know for certain I have saved many a dings on cars parked next to me.

Do I want to have a ‘real car’ one day? Sure! Will I miss the roomy interior and automatic doors and the fact that you can walk to the back of the van practically standing up? Yes!

But let me just say this in honor of my minivan-

It’s a Honda- so it’s a beast and has stayed strong for 100,000 miles + (knock on serious wood here)

It has more horsepower than your average car on the street. My favorite- when I take on one of those FAST and the FURIOUS wannabes at a stop light. You know what I’m talking about. Some 19 year old kid with his cap on sideways in his souped up Acura

You've all seen these at a stop light near you.

Integra with the bass pumping and his really loud, obnoxious tail pipe and he thinks he’s going to over take me. BWAAHAHAHA!!

Take that you Fast and Furious wannabes!

I like to speed away and wave and smile, pump my fist up in the air, toss my hair and blare Adele over my speakers. Yeah- this mama owns the road peeps!

Also- I can parallel park like nobody’s business and I can park in those shitty stalls in the parking garages we have downtown. Let me see your Escalade do that!

SO there you have it. My ode to the minivan. I’m proud. It’s all good.

And no, I don’t have those little stick figure stickers on the back window of our family members and the cat and dog. I don’t have a bumper sticker about my honors student, and I don’t have a side mirror that’s held on with duct tape. I have one bumper sticker I never had the guts to put on the back. James thought it sent a bad message to our neighbors.

He’s like, what does that mean actually?

What DOES this mean?

He’s got a point. Especially with all these ‘pimp’ connotations.