Tag Archive | vacation

Ohana means family

I learned that from Lilo and Stitch. Pretty much anything I knew about Hawaii before going, I learned from Disney. That, and Mele Kalikimaka means Merry Christmas.

I couldn’t wait to see fire dancers and flower leis. Oh and eat pineapple. Here’s what vacation taught me:

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a is the state fish. It’s not as hard to say if you break it down.

Humu humu nuku nuku apua’a. See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?

The Grande Wailea is a gorgeous resort. Every time I ordered a $15 pina colada, I kept thinking of how many meals that money could buy a child in a 3rd world country.

They have this commemorative cup you can buy of either a plastic pineapple or a tiki. It’s $22. Every time you want it refilled, it’s only the cost of the drink you want. Come again? That’s like on Portlandia, ‘It’s complimentary after you pay for it’.

I don’t drink that much, so I guess, I wouldn’t get my money’s worth. I’m guessing the ounces it holds is more than the dinky plastic cup they bring you from the pool bar. So if your gonna get sloshed on $15 pina coladas all day at the pool, you might as well drink it out of a pineapple and get twice as much. That’s what they say anyway.

People told us we would be so pampered at this place. That it’s luxurious and heavenly. Well, it is. But pampering comes with  a price. If you are just an average Joe (no affront to real people named Joe out there), but just plain ol’ folks who fly coach and bring their own nuts and dried fruit on a plane, you will get fine accommodations. The beds are comfy, the bathrooms are gorgeous in the rooms. All granite and huge. The pool and gardens are beautiful. The restaurants have beautiful food.

These garden paths smelled amazing from all the tropical flowers.

But if you want to be ‘pampered’, that costs money. Cabanas are $400 a day. You get chilled towels and Otter Pops brought to you. I, however, sat on my regular chaise that I positioned under the palm trees to get optimum shade and ate my almonds and bottled water I brought from my room. The ones I brought  from home, by the way. And dried apricots. We splurged and got pool side snacks and drinks at lunchtime. It’s okay, it only costs $70 for lunch. (sarcasm font there people.)

At least you get your money’s worth when it comes to the hot dogs:

Anyone hungry?

Luaus are so much fun. Even a vegetarian can enjoy themselves. You don’t have to eat the Kalua pig they pull out of the ground they’ve been roasting all day. Poor piggy. There’s seafood and veggies too. We had a lot of fun that night.

The pros are the pretty ladies in coconuts and the fellas in loin cloths. There was something for the eyes to feast on for both McSweetie and I.  Apparently, our preteen daughter thought so too.  After the men’s fire dance, the one dancer guy that looked like Jacob Black without a shirt, got a huge applause from our table. It wasn’t just me. There were whistles coming from Emma.

I wasted no time getting my picture with him afterwards. Hey, you gotta get near half naked sweaty bronze guys when you get the chance, okay? No judging!

Gee, could I smile any bigger?

We were happy to finally be home. Our pets were really happy to see us too. Sadly, Owen came back with an ear infection from the ocean water.

I’ve been awake since 2 am Maui time today. Am I seriously supposed to do laundry, and feed these people like any other day home? Gah.

I will be exfoliating and applying lotions and product to myself today. I’m still itchy and burned, and now peeling, in places.

There will be more normalcy and routine these next few days. Please, please God okay?

McSweetie bought me this Tshirt. (sarcasm font again people)

Aloha, and all that stuff.

Greetings from the island of Maui! We are ridiculously enjoying ourselves. I mean, come on, the beaches, the weather, the chillax vibe. It’s awesome.

But it’s not perfect every minute of every day. Because I’m human, a female, and neurotic, I will manage to fuck things up one way or another. Not entirely. But it goes something like this.

Vacations are hard work. Sometimes in the midst of the planning, you’re like, ‘screw this, it’s easier to stay home’. Between the pet sitters, packing, laundry before hand, cleaning house so your pet sitter doesn’t think you’ve been ransacked, and logistics arranging- its like a team of special forces just to get out the door.

I’m always afraid of glitches. So here’s what went down. Bear with me- I’m whining a little and I know it’s First World Problem shit, but still.

I forgot my makeup.

Yeah, whatever, no big deal. I don’t think you understand how important my product is to me. I am a makeup guru/whore. I have every product, cosmetic, whatever, under the sun. So forgetting my bag of all things to get me through this trip, on my bathroom counter, that I realized when we were cruising at 30,000 feet- kinda pissed me off. Waterproof mascara, concealer, powder, lipstick… you know, stuff that keeps me from looking like death warmed over. And since it’s a special trip, there were times I wanted to look special.

It’s stupid to be sad over, I know. I go without makeup a lot. We’ve been at the beach and pool, and it’s not like I need it. Although, some of these pictures, I would like to look back on in 20 years and say, ‘i looked nice there’, not ‘gee, do you think I could’ve made the effort to cover those bags under my eyes and rosacea?’

So yeah. Wah, wah, me.

THEN- Emma forgot one of her swimsuits.

We’re heavy believers of spares around here. Spare hats, flip flops, spare socks. You get the idea. Having one suit on a trip heavily focused around swimming and beach time, is kind of tricky. Especially since after a morning at the beach, sand is in places you didn’t know could get to. So when you head into the pool, it’s kinda nice to change in to a fresh suit.

Lucky for Emma, we found a cute discount swim shop and she walked out of there with the cutest board short, bikini top ensemble that we wouldn’t have found on the Mainland. Plus, it’s made in Hawaii so it’s a great purchase.

As for me, we found a drugstore so I could get some essentials. It’s fine. I’ll manage. But on top of the whole makeup debacle- I broke my sunglasses at the airport. I know- seriously people!!

Found a cheap pair at a souvenir shop that will do just fine.

Little things folks, little things.

Here’s the good news- The condo is fabulous. We got here safely. Our rental car is butt ugly but runs fine. The kids are healthy. So far I’m healthy (minus a migraine the first day). McSweetie is sporting an island afro only he can pull off. It’s a little windy and humid here. But I love the fact that he’s able to unwind and not be so uptight and he’s getting his vacation groove on.

So there you go.

I will release to my neurosis the desire for things to be perfect and just accept things as they are.

Mahalo for reading!